You know the feeling when you're longing for something & expecting something great, and it turns out to be not so amazing? And then you have to fake that you love it because if you don't then you let the other person down? But inside you're hurting and that not-so-amazing something is making it worse? Well, that's what I'm feeling and it sucks. I'm in a crappy mood. I've just been repeatedly signaled out as fat. I'm hungry. And today, my family (unfortunately including me) has to go to this little (well, actually it's pretty big) dinner party. I don't want to go. But an hour from now, I will be dressing up, putting on eyeliner and checking and rechecking the mirror. I won't be impeccable, but I'll try. Why? Because I don't let my family down. So, I've compiled a list of things I must do at this party so I don't end up dead.
Here I go:
1) smile a half smile. don't show teeth. it seems to forced (which it is).
2) act like i have the best clothes in the party. (you know the feeling i was talking about earlier in this blog? well, that's the feeling i have because my aunt just sent me clothes which are def not what i expected)
3) eat a moderate amount. (i tend to overeat when i'm bored)
4) talk at least 40 sentences, but these don't count: yes, no, please, thank you, cool. they have to be real sentences.
5) stop playing with hair.
6) don't constantly touch eyes.
7) no yawning.
8) no saying "i'm tired". that just ruins the aroma of the party.
10) stand up straight. (i'm tall, but i'll still be wearing heels. and i kinda sorta crouch over so i don't look like a giant)
11) don't bite nails.
12) text. (why? because it boosts my self confidence talking to people who'll listen to me)
13) don't cry. please.